ASD and Public Invitations

So, anyone who really knows me knows that I am (as much as I can be), a disability advocate.  Obviously, being stuck in a rural area, and at home, limits my options, but I try to piss off politicians online as much as I can, and contribute my thoughts, feelings and writing to as many online conversations as I can.

Today, I have just found that someone that I considered an online “far away friend” (as in, someone who knows who I am and what I am about, and likes me, but not someone who private messages me for a chat), has organised an online event on disability – and I am not invited.   (Note: it is a public invitation and I could go anyway, but as so many were invited, I’d feel as though I was “pushing in” where I wasn’t really wanted you know?  I’d rather start SIing again rather than turn up to an event, even an online one, where I am not invited.  I don’t expect calligraphy or gold embossing – just reassurance that I am actually wanted.  I never know.)

Possibly he doesn’t consider me a friend in the same way that I consider him.  Possibly he only invited the types of friends that he would have a private chat with.  Possibly he just ticked the first 50 names that popped up.  Possibly possibly possibly.  There are a thousand possibilities and I get that.

Intellectually I do get that.

Emotionally, I am devastated-ish.

I wonder if I have done something to offend him.  Have I said something, or not said something?  Have I said the wrong thing or said the right thing the wrong way?

Does he consider me stupid?  Worthless?  Not worth the trouble?  Too much of a pain in the arse?

Does he think that because I’m just “at home” that I have nothing to contribute?  Have I not “earned my stripes” yet?

I have a thousand questions.  Mainly they all boil down to “why”.

Thankfully I get that I can’t ask lol… It would be rude to ask and put him in an uncomfortable position no matter what the answer is.  If I wasn’t damn sure he doesn’t read my blog, I wouldn’t even be writing about it.  And if any of you have cottoned on – please don’t mention it.  I don’t want this to be “a thing”.  It’s not “a thing” to anyone but me.

It’s “a thing” to me because I don’t get it.  I take this shit personally on an emotional level, even as intellectually I am quite capable of saying, and believing, that a) it’s probably nothing and b) even if it is something, I haven’t done anything wrong so meh, whatever and c) even if he does think badly of me, then that is his problem (because I haven’t done anything wrong) and in that case, he isn’t who I thought he is and he can get fucked.

Intellectually I get all that.

Yet, after a lifetime of not fitting in, and not “getting it” – it seems I still don’t fit in, and I still don’t get it, and I really wish I could do both.  With the added clarification of things such as invitations when others get them, that is so desperately needed until I learn “the rules”.

Really, I am not trying to be a prissy little bitch.

I may have Autism/Aspergers, and I may like my space a lot of the time, and I may not “get it” – but I still want to be included.  I still want to feel wanted and needed.  I still want people to say “hey, I like you, come over here and play with us – it’s OK!!!”.  I still want all those things.

Fucked however, if I know what to do about getting them.

Disability consumer and activist. Pissed off since 1995... Mad as a hatter since way before that.

Tagged with:
Posted in Autism, Disability, Personal
2 comments on “ASD and Public Invitations
  1. Ugh, I hate not knowing why I am left alone and feeling so hurt. I am sorry that this happened to you! I wish that he would have at least explained what is going on. 😦

Please feel free to comment...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Pissed off since 1995. Mad as a hatter since way before that.

Topics I Write About
Follow Linda Mad Hatter on WordPress.com

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 620 other followers

SBS Insight – Psychopath

Watch Linda on SBS Insight (a bit part, and kinda embarrassing *grin*)

Autism Aspergers Magazine

Linda was a contributor for Autism Aspergers Network Magazine!

GoFundMe

We are raising money to cover the boys medical and disability expenses. ALL funds raised go into their own account, to pay for these expenses. Things such as speech therapy, occuptational therapy, psychology, chaperoned sport and social activities, and special equipment etc. I hate having to do this, but hey, if you don't like it, then give me a job ;-). Please click on the photo to go to their GoFundMe page, and thank you for your time (and I do hope, your generous donation *cheeky grin*)!!!

LindaMadHatter at FaceBook

Click the image and follow me on FB!

Photo's of our Aspie House life!
You know it's cold when... you lose your chair two seconds after your bum leaves it... Maxie!  I'm trying to work here!!! Lilly was looking at the oven intently as it cooked the boys dinner...
BJ - Lilly, it's an oven, not a television...
Lilly - You watch what you want to watch, I'll watch what I want to watch!
Versatile Blogger Award
Awesome Blossom Award
%d bloggers like this: