Ok, so maybe it’s not number 12. Maybe it’s my first ever personal update. I’m not sure. I have had this blog for years and I am too tired right now to go through all my posts to count any other personal updates. So #12 seem like a good number *grin*. I can always change it up later if required.
First of all, because I really want to know – how are YOU doing? What have you been up to? What are you dreaming about? Or what are you dreaming FOR? I always feel like I’m writing into the breeze here. Feel free to let me know you too, if you want.
As I said though, I am tired. Way too tired. It’s raining today, which makes for good sleepy times, but more than that, I have just been bleugh. I have had a couple of friends visit – one even stayed the night – and these things pick me up for their duration and for a little time afterwards, but otherwise, I’m just tired and depressed and bleugh. I have so many different things I want to do and no energy to do any of them. Even things that involve me simply looking at my computer which is a laptop that sits on my lap – I’m so tired, my eyes won’t work properly and everything on my screen is blurry! Even my eyes have gone on strike! And my fingers refuse to type properly because I can barely lift them, no matter how hard I try! That is tired!!!
Despite this utter exhaustion, I do have dreams and plans however. For tomorrow. It’s always “tomorrow”. Tomorrow never comes though does it? Ugh. Anyway, I do have my dreams and plans and here they are:
- I am going to start making jewellery to sell. I want to make some for the EDS market – zebra and black and white pieces. I also want to make some for the fat chicks such as myself – bracelets that actually fit! First of all though, I need to save up some capital to buy the initial tools and beads etc that I need. One thing – I am only using quality products for the most part – sterling silver and Swarovski beads etc.
- I am also going to be doing more art once I have an art space set up (because some of my pieces will take days, I require a separate space just for this). I need to get a table and some brushes and canvases. I already have a couple of books I want to “cover” and sell…
- I also plan to get out and about with the kids more. I want them to have a life, not just an existence. I want to show them the world. I want to do lots of different things with them, and then I want to scrapbook our memories so they remember even once I am gone. And so that I remember once my memory is gone.
Unfortunately, all this shit costs money. Money I rarely have. Nicky needs winter PJ’s and I have to wait to get him some because of a lack of fucking money. I hate being this broke. It keeps me up at night. Which is why two of plans will hopefully end up paying for the third! That is my plan! That is what I hope will happen!
I have also started up my facebook page again – Ehlers Danlos in an Aspie House. When I have things to sell, I will be posting them there…
In other news, the boys and I have finally had haircuts! I finally found a hairdresser that comes to your home! This is the boys first hairdresser haircut in years, and my first one since I went on television last year. One of us had a meltdown afterwards because the end result was a bit of a shock. In a way, it was good for me that people (the hairdresser, a friend and our Community Care cleaner) were over and got to witness that yes, while my kids ARE rather well behaved most of the time, they DO actually have Autism and look… here is a meltdown over nothing to “prove it”.
This world we live in is crazy – where we have to go to such lengths in order to feel validated. Yet here we are.
Healthwise I have been doing better since we have moved closer to the beach and sea air! Friends are saying even in these four months, the colour has come back to my cheeks. Sadly I noticed too late what sea air does to jewellery and while I only had a couple of pieces, they are now gone. Nevermind, I’ll be making some of my own soon enough! My metal shelving unit is also going rusty so I also have to save up for some drawers for my clothes.
We have also sorted out some support in the last few months. We have gone from nothing to getting some respite from the boys every fortnight (that is all we could afford), and I get to go out too once a fortnight to do some shopping or whatever I like! I have been once so far and it was great to get out of the house and not be with friends. Not that I don’t love my friends, but when you are out with friends, you have to do what they want too – and sometimes you just want to be able to do your own thing without worrying if the people you are with are bored or whatever! Support time gives me this freedom. It’s fantastic!
Anyway… I am now too tired to write even this dribble that probably no one is very interested in lol… So I bid you all a good night (or afternoon as the case may be here), and I hope that everyone is doing well and is happy.
The boys and I have an adventure coming up where we will be going to Brisbane on our own for a few days due to some medical appointments we need to go to. Stay tuned!!!